The release last week (25 June) of a ­Pentagon report will make millions of ­people very happy. Those who have been mocked for decades as fantasists, inadequates or swivel-eyed loons can now say they were right all along – the Earth is being buzzed by ­Unidentified Flying Objects (UFOs).

Fastidiously renamed as Unidentified Aerial Phenomena (UAPs), their existence was confirmed by the US Department of Defense (DoD) in a report to Congress. Yes, American sailors and pilots have seen things whizzing about the skies, manoeuvring at speeds and with agility unattainable by any human-made craft. Sadly, the report is sceptical of the alien hypothesis. But the alienologists will not care – after decades of denying the existence of UFOs or of coming up with dubious explanations, the DoD has finally come clean.

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